Tuesday, February 22, 2011

回覆「何謂家教」的問題╱留言

「何謂家教」一文得到不少網友轉發和回應,實在始料不及。謝謝各位的意見,由於留言和私信比較多,實在無法一一回覆。先簡單回覆某幾個最常見的問題╱留言:

1)這是真事嗎?
這是由真事合併而成的。「說英語的母親」其實經常見到吧。例如:一次乘港鐵時,見到一個六歲小男孩穿著運動鞋站在港鐵的座位上跳,在旁的媽媽只顧著用古怪的英語叫小朋友不可以跳("can't jumping"...)。「霸位」事件中的母親當時的好像是說「你要say/speak乜野啊?」,而因為我在街上聽到的「雙語廣播」多為全中及全英,較少中英夾雜,所以記此「霸位」事件之時便有所修改,既可加強言教和身教之對比,亦能突顯現今家長重學術輕道德教養的問題。

2)為甚麼不出聲?╱若我在現場,我一定會出聲……╱和朋友「單單打打俾說話佢地聽」也可以……
其實婆婆上車之時,我已經在盤算要不要出聲請那位年青力壯的叔叔讓座,不過聽到他說要下車,便想也不過是一個站而已,加上當天為年初一,新年流流嘛……

不過,話說回來,若那位媽媽不出手,我也不太肯定自己會不會出聲。以前總會「路見不平,拔刀相助」,但自從發生了「巴士阿叔」事件,發現「拔刀」有一夜成名的風險後,每次遇上類似的事件的不免有所顧慮,有時淪落得只可以寫下來發發牢騷,很沒用是不是?希望那些有勇氣出聲的朋友能繼續出聲吧。

若你真的想出手,關於「單單打打」,我想,沒有讓坐的人可以分為三類:
  1. 真的看不見有需要的人,你若禮貌地問他們讓座可否讓座,他們會二話不說立即站起來的,犯不著單單打打;
  2. 裝作看不見有需要的人,單單打打的話,或許會令他們難堪而讓座,但亦有機會是他們繼續扮聽不見,還是直接禮貌地問他們可否讓座,讓他們覺得決定權在於自己,而且,可能會有下一次呢;
  3. 壓根兒不覺得需要讓座的人,這類人既然能視而不見,對單單打打也會聽而不聞,更不會覺得難堪,就是你直接禮貌地請他們讓座也不會理會的。

總而言之,單單打打或許能讓你出一口悶氣,那又何苦呢?遇到第三類人,那便問另外一個人吧,總不會幾個人也是第三類人吧。

3)因為咁咁咁,所以我會爭位坐,等見到有需要的人時我可以讓座。
唔……俠盜羅賓漢乎?恕我不太認同這個做法。難道我們要辦個「齊齊爭位坐,然後能讓座」的禮貌活動嗎?另外, 雖然小朋友受家人的影響很大,但他們也會觀察其它人的行為。如果大家都將「爭位坐」視為理所當然,小朋友不知就�也會有樣學樣去爭位坐的,此風不可長啊。

以下兩個問題(或許只是感慨),我沒有答案,只有一點想法:

4)為甚麼現在很多人都不讓座?
嘩,這個問題很深啊,原因也很多,簡單如:很累非坐不可、讓座帶來的快樂比不上坐著的快樂、執輸行頭慘過敗家之「有位唔坐,罪大惡極」等等……懶學術的話,可以用Kohlberg's stages of moral development的六個層次去分析現今香港人普遍的道德層次(讀書讀上腦)。有機會另文再談。

5)為甚麼那些家長不教小朋友讓座?
或許那些家長覺得教小朋友同理心,敬老等不及學多一技傍身重要吧。有些家長甚至覺得「人善被人欺」,自小培養小朋友去打尖爭位坐等等……
還有,家長為了讓小孩「不要輸在起跑線上」(雖然他們連「終點」在那也未搞清楚),社會重視甚麼,便會重視教育小孩甚麼,這也反映現在香港社會對同理心或敬老等道德價值不再重視吧。

(更甚的有些人根本是不屑談道德,例如對關心社會的下一代嗤之以鼻:「讀書好就是要去賺錢,想當老師?還要去山區?對,很偉大啊,不過,還是別人的小孩去好了。」「甚麼?人家菜園村怎樣,與你何干?好好念書將來有錢便行啦。」等等。唉……)

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Typos courtesy of my HTC.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

How children learn from their parents?

Heading home on the night of the Chinese New Year, I saw an old lady got on the train. She advanced into the center of the train, where seats of both sides were occupied by two families: on the left, there were a father with a boy aged 3ish sitting on his lap, a mother, an uncle, two aunties; on the right, there were a father, a mother, a 10ish boy and a 7ish girl. Both kids were soundly slept. (A man who apparently was not a family member occupied the leftmost seat on the right side.)

Perhaps no one saw the old lady. No one offered her a seat.

The tired old lady moved further into the train and leaned on the wall.

The uncle on the left side said he was about to get off. The father grabbed the opportunity and asked the boy in Cantonese, “咦,舅父要落車喎,要同舅父講乜野啊?(Oh, uncle John is going to get off the train, what should you say?)” The mother followed with English in a strange accent, “What do you say?” The little boy waved, “Bye Bye”.
Overhearing this, the old lady walked slowly towards where the uncle sat and intended to take his seat.

Then the uncle stood up.

The father immediately put his child (who was sitting on his lap) on the emptied seat. In a perfectly matched manner, the mother slide towards the child, picked him up and put him on her lap so as to offer her seat to another family member, an elegant young lady in her twenties. Slow and steady wins the race? Not this time. The old lady had no choice but to walk back to where she leaned.

The mother on the opposite side spotted the old lady, immediately she woke her girl. The little girl rubbed her eyes; the mother pointed at the old lady; the little girl stood up obediently without further parental instruction. The mother asked the old lady to take the seat and hinted her little one to sit on her lap.

Dear parents, actions speak louder than words.

(Translated from my post "何謂家教?", not a word-by-word translation though...)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

何謂家教?

拜年後乘港鐵回家時,見到一位婆婆上車。婆婆站的位置,兩旁的座位各坐著一家人:左邊的家庭組合是爸爸、媽媽、兩位姨姨、舅舅和三歲右左的小男孩;右邊則是爸爸、媽媽、昏睡的十歲男孩和昏睡的七歲女孩(另加搭「座」的阿叔乙名)。

或許沒人看到婆婆,沒人讓坐。

婆婆疲倦地倚在車箱的牆壁。

左邊那家人的舅舅言談間表示下一站要下車,爸爸把握機會,跟小男孩說:「咦,舅父要落車喎,要同舅父講乜野啊?」媽媽則以不太標準的英語口音道:「what do you say? 」(用法也不太準確。)小男孩揮手說:「bye bye。」

婆婆聞言,緩緩地走到舅舅面前,打算坐他的位子。

豈料舅舅一離開坐位,抱著小孩的爸爸竟把小孩放在坐位上,然後在旁的媽媽作出完美的配合,以迅雷不及掩耳的速度把身子移到那座位上,同時將小孩抱起,騰空出自己的座位讓給他們另一位家庭成員,一名年約二十多歲的妙齡女郎。好一招以快打慢!婆婆只好無奈地轉身。

對面那家人的媽媽剛好見到婆婆,馬上把身旁六七歲倚著她睡的女孩搖醒,小女孩揉著眼睛,媽媽指指婆婆,小女孩乖乖地自動站起來,媽媽請婆婆坐,並示意小女孩坐到自己膝上。

各位父母,一個行為猶勝千言萬語。 And for that mother who prefers English, an act is worth more than a million words.